I have recently become a zealous fan of the "The Thrilling Adventure Hour" podcast. I only allowed myself to listen to it while I was painting, as a reward for productivity. In the past few months I have blown through ten years of content. It is THAT GOOD! I have at last found my nerdom.
Here is the thing- painting is hard. You are alone - a lot - essentially battling your demons and character flaws as they physically flaunt themselves in absent minded strokes or poorly organized composition, in your face, on YOUR painting! The nerve! Paintings are always brilliantly fun to begin! Ah, but then there is the crux, the nadir of our hero’s journey, that awkward teenage phase to test you. It tests you every time, but for a while, every test seems far worse than just a test. It feels personal, tied to self-worth, like certain failure.
If you really want to be an artist -at some point you change the story. It is the inevitable great part of any creative work; the real opportunity. That is art! Listening to the Thrilling Adventure Hour in my ‘studio’ (shared apartment with a 1:1 cat:human ratio), had me laughing and loving my way through it! I found myself tackling pieces I believed were over my head, and being pleasantly surprised with the results. It just happened to be the best catalyst, and I suddenly became aware of the fact that controlling my mind set and painting from this place of love, with this energy, might be the most important thing. I decided to write one of my favorite actresses from the program a thank you note with a gift card. I really wanted to paint my latest hero something and return the favor! But I didn't know how to actually send her the card. A friend thought he knew a friend of a friend in the biz, and for months while we waited to hear back, the joke around these parts became, "I’m home! Did Paget call?"
And then! The previously wrapped up podcast announced a special new live show! I rounded up some art school friends who took me on faith and enthusiasm, and we headed up to LA. I tucked the card into my oversized sweater thinking maybe I could ask an usher to deliver it to her dressing room with all the other flowers or whatever, or with any luck, maybe the cast would come shake a few hands and I could give it to her. “Big money, big money…”
We happened upon an alley before the show. My friend said, "Hey Heather, there is Paget." I raised my voice a few notches above my normal non-indoor voice, "Don't play with my emotions." But when we looked down the alley, behind what artist and teacher Robert Watts would call Contextual Transitory Objects (dumpster, walls, and poles), all we could see was a bit hair wrapped up in a bun. I thought, that is a long alley-walk-of-shame, what if I am wrong, it can't be her can it? And we strolled on past.
But! A while later on the way back… we saw it was totally her. She was still there! The universe was giving me a second chance, and I was so excited I actually lost my mind. I hid around the corner for a second to try and calm down, after the months of joking I couldn't believe it and I couldn't get a grip. I have taken penalty kicks, played in championship games, made the first move on hot boys, won a Rat Pack Karaoke contest (purely on enthusiasm) at a trashy bar in Vegas, and even impulsively rocked a cow bell solo when a cover band pulled me from the front row up on stage (yep, that pretty much covers my high-light reel), but for the first time I could not get a grip. It wasn’t getting easier, so, with no plan, I decided I would never be cool, so I better just jump.
It was the longest walk, and I felt like a bit of a creep invading on her privacy. I swung wide around the dumpster and slowly cleared the pole in my least threatening manor, "Hi! Is this… cool?" She stood right up and was incredibly sweet to engage. Just as I was mustering any available courage to approach, the man leaning against the pole turned to face me, and it was Ed Helmes of The Office, The Hangover, and a ton of other great stuff. So, if I had any shred of nerve left, it left. Um, 'Star Struck' is a real thing?!
I blubbered my way sheepishly through a Paget Brewster handshake and could barely make eye contact or enjoy the moment cause I was freaking out! I didn't say anything smart, witty, or cool. I couldn’t even think to give her a hug or profess my love! I felt sooooo vulnerable. When I finally looked up I could see the white the ENTIRE way around her iris, she was so empathetic. I said something about being so grateful and wanting to make her a painting and asked if I could give her the card. I didn't even think to ask for a photo, I just started to back away like some poor schmuck taking leave of Henry VIII (at least according to the hot HBO version). She was so gracious. WHAT a rush!
I haven't heard from her... yet.
After months of wanting to meet her, and joking about it to cope, there she was, in an alley, right in front of me, twice! The universe has given me hope. The best part is likely this: after the live show, I got on Twitter to try to find a link to a hilarious song I wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of my days (‘Love Ain’t No Billy Goat’). Ben Blacker, co-writer of the show, actually responded to my tweeted query. And though he chided, "It is not for sale, Madame, at any price," he proceeded without solicitation to check out my art! (here goes my heart-rate again) AND PAID ME A COMPLIMENT! Then I died all over again! Check my pulse!
The important thing is here, in just choosing things I love, I am deeply inspired, more sure of what brings me joy, and the direction I want to head full steam. Of course now I have been wholly sucked in to illustrating some serious fan art. They (Ben Blacker, Ben Acker, et al.) are just what I want to be when I grow up! I realize that as much as I love fine art, story telling may be steeling my heart.
Did you want to see some art?
Watts teacher Erik Gist was helping me in figure drawing class the other day. Watching from over his shoulder that he was not just literally copying the model but improving upon it, I asked him "How do you know how to edit- what to include and what to omit?" He explained, "Just ask yourself, what does it need? No more, no less." This immediately helped.
Later, as I was trying to figure out how to design the vignette of my latest commission, I just kept that in mind. I stopped after each stroke and asked myself, "What does it need?" Pausing after each mark, and asking again, I proceeded very carefully until I thought. Oooh, I like it!
I wrapped up this pile of cuteness the last couple days. Super pumped about how he turned out! I bring you... Fester!
Watts teacher Erik Gist was helping me in figure drawing class the other day. Watching from over his shoulder that he was not just literally copying the model but improving upon it, I asked him "How do you know how to edit- what to include and what to omit?" He explained, "Just ask yourself, what does it need? No more, no less." This immediately helped.
Later, as I was trying to figure out how to design the vignette of my latest commission, I just kept that in mind. I stopped after each stroke and asked myself, "What does it need?" Pausing after each mark, and asking again, I proceeded very carefully until I thought. Oooh, I like it!
I wrapped up this pile of cuteness the last couple days. Super pumped about how he turned out! I bring you... Fester!
10x10" oil on canvas
commission
